My letter to Allen,
There are different times in our lives when different methods of living are required.
There�s homeostasis, or maintaining the balance. In this method of living, we are enjoying life, but not pursuing it vigorously, we let the flotsam and jetsam, float around us as we pick out the best pieces of driftwood that float amongst it. We float along on our way in life.
There are times where we are in pursuit of something, fighting hard, rowing the oars with all of our strength, eager to reach the finish line or next level in life, determined to get there.
There are times of restoration and recovery. Times where we relax a bit on the reigns and allow our bodies and lives time to heal, time to restore. We seek relaxation, and live in a way to provide for our bodies and our lives. This is where I am at right now. This is why I have chosen to quit my job and take some time off. I am giving my body and my life the time, nutrition and treatment that it needs to restore and repair.
There are also times of mere survival. My friend, this is where you are at now. This is the time when we need to seek only our basic needs. Our need for food, shelter, water. The basic needs of life.
All modes of life are required, and for each of us, there will be time spent in each mode. There is no shame in recognizing what mode we are in and admitting it to the world and ourselves. There is no more greatness in fighting a great fight in the pursuit of something big or small than there is in surviving what for us is a tragedy. They are equally important in our lives and at the end of each mode, I would say that surviving requires more courage, more strength, more fortitude than in winning some great prize.
Once you give yourself permission to be where you are at, a place beyond your control, then you can do things that are necessary to exist in that mode. Relax tonight. Shut your eyes. Don�t worry about the phone calls that you haven�t answered. Don�t struggle and feel ashamed of your decision. Lay back and allow yourself to survive.
***FYI, I have much more to say about my life and why I have disappeared from diaryland and the internet for a while, but these were the words that wanted to be spoken/written right now, so they were. I did, in fact, after some weeks of thought and discussion, quit my job. I have a financial plan that involves eating away at a chunk of my retirement plan and I�m okay with that. The alternative, at this time, was that if I continued to work and try to recover, I would never make it to retirement. I�ll share more on this later.
Sorry I have disappeared. The last few weeks have sucked a lot of energy out of me, hence I am in a mode of restoration and recovery. Just know that I am okay, I have my ups and downs yet I am sure that I am on the right path.
