A while back, I wrote about my friend Jana. After undergoing years of infertility treatment, her and her husband were about to begin IVF. During one of the pre-tests for the IVF, they discovered that Jana had uterine cancer. She had a hysterectomy soon after. As soon as she was well, her and her husband began taking parenting classes to go through the adoption process with LA County.
Friday, they brought home this little cutie:
Just in time for Christmas. A Christmas present for all of us that love her and a perfect way to end a nasty year. I can�t wait to go over on Christmas night (I�m having Christmas dinner there) to see her. Jana says she�s a really happy and easy baby. I kept telling Jana that they�d get a baby when their baby was ready. She didn�t believe me, but she believes me now.
In other news: I�m way over Ken. Though I don�t deny the original chemistry we displayed in our original email communication, the rapport is unmistakable, and I can point to things in his life �story� that do check out, I also know now that a few important things he told me were lies. So, knowing that, it was pretty easy to emotionally leave him in the dust. Is it strange to say you are glad to find out that someone lied to you? I mean, generally, I don�t like to be lied to, and I didn�t this time either, but since the �relationship� was over anyway, finding out that he was telling me a load of horseshit in many areas makes it pretty easy to say �who gives a flying fuck.�
As for Brian, he actually did come through for me this year. I know that back in July/August I had mentioned that I was finally going to meet his son (actually his nephew that he adopted) and that there were problems. Well, we eventually did meet and everything seemed to go well. Until the next day when Brian freaked out, accusing me of forcing him in to the meeting and saying that I manipulated him and if I would do that what else would I do. Needless to say, those kind of accusations and misunderstandings of my intentions took their toll on our relationship. He pulled away because that�s what he does and I pulled away because I was so hurt by the things he had said and that he could so easily misread my intentions.
Truth is, he never did misunderstand my intentions, he just freaked out bringing two of the important people in his life together and so he put this spin on it so he could be angry at me and then not have to really deal with the real issues.
Then in September, he pretty much blew me off for some pretty important (to me) events. After that, I just pulled away. It�s sort of like a 401K investment. You put in 6% and your employer puts in 3%. Well, if he wasn�t going to put in any percentage, then I wasn�t going to match him. I just let it go. I stopped calling him. He rarely called me. It wasn�t like we had this big fight, we just drifted apart. He was so busy that he was rarely on line, so we pretty much stopped talking for weeks at a time. I didn�t call him and he didn�t call me. But it wasn�t as if I said I wouldn�t see him. Or wouldn�t talk to him, I just didn�t feel like putting all this investment in him if he wasn�t investing back.
And it was during this pulling back that Ken appeared, which helped to distract me.
At some point, as is generally the case between Brian and I, he wakes up one day and thinks, where�s my friend Janet, she stopped calling. So I�ll get random phone calls or text messages asking if I�m alive. Of course I�m alive, I�m just not calling you every day. I tell him why bother. If you answer, you are busy and can�t talk. If you say you�ll call me back, you don�t. And you don�t spontaneously call me either so why bother.
This always results in him stepping up his involvement, which is what he did. So for the last month, we have been seeing each other fairly regularly. Because of issues with his son (major fucked up childhood, and though he puts a good face to the world, he�s still fucked up as far as women and trust go), I don�t spend holidays with him. When he was here a few weeks ago, I asked him if he would take me out for a nice date for Christmas and gave him a few dates to choose from. He picked Friday, December 22.
Most of our dates consist of Brian showing up at my house, sometimes we go get something to eat sometimes not, then he takes his clothes off (not necessarily because he�s expecting sex but because he hates clothes. He usually walks around his house in a semi-nude state), lays on my bed and at some point I join him, either clothed or unclothed depending on how I feel. There�s no seduction, no effort. I guess after 3 years with someone, this is what you get. But still, I�m a girl, occasionally; I need a little romance, a little effort.
Secondly, Brian is horrible at the gift-giving thing. He�d rather buy dinner for my entire family plus friends (which he has done) than have to go shopping for a present (though one of his office is RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET FROM A MALL).
So for this Christmas date, I gave him specifics and then followed up with an email to remind him. The specifics were this:
I wanted to dress up (didn�t have to be formal, just jeans and nice shoes/shirt etc � I usually see Brian in jeans and a t-shirt)
I wanted to go to a nice restaurant
I expected a gift
I had one other specific that I wanted but didn�t state specifically. I wanted him to show up with a plan. I was tired of him showing up to take me for dinner and then I have to pick the restaurant or whatever. I wanted to be taken care of.
Now, I�m not one to be all about the bling and when I want something nice, I buy it for myself. Brian could spend $5 on me and as long as what he bought had some meaning to me or to us, it would be fine. I guess I was just looking for some effort, some sign that he appreciated me. I told him this and he said but I do, I do appreciate you. I said, yes, I hear you say it, but you need to show it more often.
So, last week comes and I start getting worried. The weeks prior, we had been talking and or texting on a fairly regular basis. All of a sudden, the week of the date, a silence descends. Now Brian is pretty unreliable, so suddenly I start worrying, expecting him to flake on me. My calls and text messages to him went largely unanswered. I was preparing for the worst. On the rare occasions that I did speak with him, he confirmed that he�d see me Friday, but still, I�d been down this road before. On Friday, I called to check in with him around 2, and he said he�d see me around 6ish. So at 6:15, I called him for a time-check, he said he was about 5 �10 minutes out.
So, here�s what I expected: I expected him to show up in jeans, nice shoes and a nice shirt. I expected him to ask me what restaurant (of the several choices I had mentioned) that I wanted to go to. I expected a nice evening, but I expected to be disappointed. I didn�t even dare expect that he�d actually gotten to the present thing as he kept saying how busy his week was.
So, here�s what happened:
He picked me up about 6:20 and was dressed in nice slacks, a nice shirt and a sports coat. Then I expected him to ask where I wanted to go but he took me to the car, opened the door for me and just started driving, like he had a plan, which is exactly what I wanted. He got off at this one exit where I didn't really know any nice restaurants so I was a little worried but then he said, we're making a stop, our dinner's not until 7:15, so first we're going to do a little shopping. So I figured he hadn�t had time to get me a gift but was going to take me shopping (this was a good compromise). Also, him saying our dinner�s not until 7:15 let me know that he had made reservations (bonus points!).
We ended up at a sex toy store and he told me to pick out whatever I wanted. He told me to go wild, get whatever I wanted. Having not been set loose in a sex shop before, I was a little unsure so just started looking around, kind of jokingly playing with him but when I saw the ultra wonderful vibrator (remote control no less) and said, what about this, he said, baby if you want it, get it. So I said, ok I'll carry it around for a while and see what else we see. But since I don't have a vibrator, I figured it'd be nice. And it was like $96, so it wasn't a cheap. (And my vibrator died a death a couple of years ago so what the hey!)
After he bought that, we drove to the restaurant, valet the car and went in, he gave them his name and they told us they weren't quite ready so we had drinks in the lounge. He made a joke about taking me to a nice restaurant because I barely ate. I suggested we share an appetizer and a meal. He said no, sky's the limit, get what I wanted, I could eat the leftovers later. We had a perfect table, right by the window with a view of all of Northern Orange County.
We had a really nice dinner, then drove back here. He went to the bathroom and I had lain his presents out on the bed. He came into the room and said "Are you ready for your present now?" as he started shaking himself out of his clothes. I figured he was kidding, that he was offering me his body as my Christmas present. I just laughed. He said it again and I gestured to the sex toy bag and said, "that is my present" and he said, �nope�. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a beaded necklace that he had MADE for me himself with garnets and swarovski crystals. It's really pretty.
What is really amazing is how much time it took to make the necklace. I guess one of his employees (he has 3) was wearing a bracelet and he noticed it as something I would like. He asked her where she got it and she said she made it, so he started asking her questions. She brought in catalogs that she ordered from and showed him some of her beads to get an idea and then from there it was all him. He ordered the beads and did all the design himself. It's really pretty because he used a lot of different colors (in a very stylish way) so it will go with everything. Also, he didn't just ask her to make it for me, he made it himself. I thought that was really sweet. So the whole time, when I was worried he was going to flake on me, he had this big plan in action.
He finally got it... every detail that I wanted. Wow!
I was totally stunned. He was excited that I was happy. I asked him to open his presents and he said that he didn't even need presents, that just seeing me happy made his whole night. I said I was happy when I saw that he had reservations, that that was enough for me for the night. He said, how sad for me... and I said, no, I don't mind that we do things spontaneously, but tonight I asked for a nice date and you making reservations showed you took me seriously and you gave me exactly what I asked for. I said you made the perfect evening.
Anyway, he opened his gifts and loved them too. They were just a couple of little gifts (I mean, the man can afford his own expensive toys) but one of them was really special. He loves Ducati sport bikes, so I found an out of print book about the history of the Ducati Motorcycle. I didn't spend a lot of money on it but he loved it. That's one thing about him. None of my gifts cost over $20 but he loved them all and he is really appreciative of them too, said he loves what I pick out for him and that I always do such a good job buying presents, that it's like a talent I have, so that was nice.
We tried to have sex, which probably would have been a nice finish to the evening, but I had a bad experience with some hair removal cream, so that was out. But it was nice, we just laid there cuddling for an hour or so, so I guess that�s even better.
Sigh. So yeah. The boy gets another chance for 2007
