the bad and the good
2006-12-18, 1:39 a.m.

Since it�s 1:22 AM and I�m awake, I thought I�d do a little recap on this wonderfully fabulous year:

First the bad � to get it out of my system:

January 17th � fell down stairs landing with full weight of body on left knee, injuring back but not knowing it for 6 more months

January 17th � finding out that I have significant damage/degeneration of my optic nerve, I may be going blind, cause and rate of possible blindness unknown.

Mid-March � incomplete break up with Brian (ongoing Brian heartache throughout the year, I could list the let downs and upsetting events monthly, but let�s not)

May � the big Colin �oh you�re really just my plan B� thing

March, April, May, June � major physical pain, is it a lupus flare, is it fibromyalgia, is it a back injury? Oh wait, it�s all three kind of mixed in together

May � friend dies of Breast Cancer suddenly (reaction to chemo, immune system can�t fight an infection

June and July � major depression sets in, I no longer care to leave the house

July 3rd/4th � miscarriage

Again, ongoing issues with Brian, this is monthly

August � get a new boss, initial issues getting used to her

September � Mom breaks her leg, life at home becomes a bit more chaotic

October, November, December � Ken, no more needs to be said about that

November � another fall causing fractured tailbone and another back injury

December � most likely another Christmas alone

living on basically half a paycheck due to the injuries, having bosses upset that I can�t work full time. Feeling guilty that I can�t work full time.

December � My little Quincy passes on (I tear up when I think about it but truthfully, I tear up more when I think about the lost baby. Do you realize I�d be preparing to give birth in 2 to 4 weeks?)

Here are the few good things I can scrape from the year


I got to meet Carrie and had a fabulous time in Vegas

I got to meet Lauren and we talked as if we had known each other forever

I got to take a few weekend trips that were soul reviving

I�ve made a number of amazing friends through this diary

This diary has probably saved my life

I�ve gotten to have a close relationship with my parents

Brian has actually taken responsibility for being a shit head. We�ll see what he does with his new found responsibility (I vote nothing, but I have to give him a chance)

Still, though wondrous things have happened, I feel like this year was a waste. I hate this year. I want it to be over. I want 2007 to be here and be a better year. And all the crap that made this year suck, I want it to be gone forever. I don�t yet have a plan for it, but I�ll figure something out. In the meanwhile, if my right hip/lower back would stop hurting, I might actually get some sleep.

That is all. Sorry for the depressing entry, it�s been a depressing day/weekend. (Well, and year.)

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