Some musings on the number 4:
My birthday is the 4th day of the 4th month
In the past 4 years, I have had 4 surgeries
The scars from each surgery are within 4 inches of each other on my body
4 years ago, I moved out of my parent�s home
I lived in 4 different apartment/homes before moving back into my parent�s home
This is the 4th time I have lived with them since leaving for college
In 4 years, I will be 4 decades old
I have had 44 sex partners
I learned to read when I was 4
I wish I was 4 again.
And now for the rest of my day:
I am in a funky mood today. I found out yesterday that I did NOT get the job I was interviewing for. (I am allowed to dangle my participles when I am in a funk.) It sort of brought up all this shit within myself� all this I don�t know what I�m doing with my life, I don�t know what is going to make me happy, why can�t anything good ever happen to me, maybe I�d be better off crawling into a hole�. So, I took some vicodin and some muscle relaxers and I turned off the computer and turned off my phone and I climbed into bed and stayed there for several hours. I am out of bed now but the mood hasn�t necessarily improved any.
I saw my surgeon today and I will be off work for another 2 weeks. I am hurting a bit today because I think I overdid it this weekend.
I think I have been cursed. My friend JoeBoxer agrees and he thinks he has been cursed too. It never fails that the things I want seem to stay just outside of my grasp. It never pays for me to get my hopes up because they will always be dashed against the rocks like a horrible shipwreck. We have decided we need to visit a voodoo doctor in New Orleans to get the curse lifted. Maybe I should start wearing garlic around the house. The best time to try this is when I am on LOA, that way I�m not stinking up my office.
My friend's daughter was taken to the emergency room on Friday night because she started cutting herself. I feel so bad and yet, I know exactly how she feels. I explained it all to my friend so at least I can help her understand. It sort of motivates me to stay mentally healthy. I have to be a good example now.
Have I mentioned that I have lost about 5-8 pounds since I�ve been home on LOA? Yes, I have. Probably because 1) I didn�t eat for 2 days following the surgery and 2) I eat a lot better when there is a kitchen a few steps away.
I�ve decided that I have until Labor day to fuck around and then I need to get serious. After labor day, it�s time for me to start exercising again. It�s time for me to get serious about eating healthy. It�s time for me to get on a budget and save some money and pay off bills. It�s time for me to get serious about doing something important with my life, achieving some goals, being happy. Labor Day. Until then, Party On Wayne.
I took a new picture. Here�s my official 18 month post-op photo:
Uh, and Yes, I am wearing PINK STRIPED PANTS!
