How can it be that I�ve only worked 2 days so far this week when it feels like I just worked 2 weeks straight with no weekend? The weekend will be greeted with a joy like none other.
So, on to other topics. I have this friend, a guy, we�ll call him Mr X. He�s a really good friend. I was thinking about him tonight as I was driving home and this is what I was thinking:
There are a number of reasons why we have a good friendship. And a ton of reasons why it will only be a friendship and nothing more. There�s no sexual attraction on either side. But it�s a great friendship. I was thinking that this friendship is the kind of relationship I want to have as a romantic relationship. (And Mr. X, you know who you are, I don�t want you to think, oh no, she�s got feelings for me, because that�s not the case, but I do think you�ll understand what I�m saying here, because you usually get me.)
Here�s what I love about my relationship with Mr. X:
We always have lively discussions
I truly enjoy his company all the time
I never tire of spending time with him
He�s very thoughtful
He gets me
Even when we fight, it�s never painful, we can just disagree and it�s okay
We can have heated discussions without upsetting the other person�s feelings or feeling like we need to apologize
We have some very similar but obscure interests
We have some very different interests yet we can share them with each other
I can be me, I don�t have to pretend about anything in my life or hide anything from him and I know I�ll always be accepted
So.. there�s my list. There�s a variety of reasons why a romantic relationship between us could never be. But if� Then�
I think the thing is, that my current relationship just isn�t where I want it to be. I love B, but the truth is, I just don�t know if he�s ever going to recover from what has happened enough to be able to offer me the relationship I deserve and want. I don�t know if he�ll ever be ready to make a true and solid commitment to me, a commitment that includes children. I can�t imagine my life without children, it�s a dream I cannot sacrifice. And I don�t have 10 years to waste. I can waste a year, but not 10. And I don�t know if B will be in any good place in a year. It�s not that I don�t love him. It�s not that I don�t want to support him. It�s just that I�m realizing that I can�t sacrifice what�s most important to me in order to be there for him. It�s realizing that what I want matters too. And sometimes love just isn't enough.
