Five years ago, I took this leadership class through one of those personal growth companies (they do seminars and outdoor experiences and such). It was a 4 month class, we met once a week (sometimes more) and 3 weekends during the 4 months. We set goals and worked to attain them. We had to set goals that we wanted, that were attainable in 4 months but that also were a stretch and would take effort. In this class, I learned that when we really want something, we make it happen. I also learned that you can tell what someone wants by what they have. The truth is, when we want something, really want something, we�ll do everything in our power to go and get it. Look at your life and you�ll see that this is true. We try and try to accomplish many things and yet don�t. Then one day, we decide we want it and we go make it happen. What�s the difference? Well, I say the difference is that we finally decide we really want it. I know it�s true for my life. When I really want something, I create a plan for how I�m going to get it, I break it down and make it happen.
During this class, many people set goals that involved relationships � having a better relationship with a family member, or a spouse/boyfriend. We would have to decide what a #10 relationship with that person would look like the set goals to make it happen. For some, it meant spending time together. For other people it meant other things. We were even encouraged to create better relationships with ourselves. Think about it. If we have a relationship with everyone around us that we can judge in a variety of ways, doesn�t it make sense that we would also have a relationship with our own selves? And that we can judge the quality of that relationship using the same criteria? So, if I say I have a good relationship with my boyfriend because I spend time with him, because he treats me with respect, because he knows what I�m thinking or understands my emotions or doesn�t belittle me, or whatever criteria I have chosen to use, then I can also so I have a good relationship with myself because I spend time with myself, because I treat myself well, because I understand my emotions, because I don�t belittle myself.
I think we can all agree. Our relationship with ourselves are important. They are, in fact, more important than any other relationship, because before we can give something to another person, we must know it for ourselves.
So, in this class, when people set a goal to have a #10 relationship with themselves, they often put thing on the list that they have always wanted to do, or wanted to have but felt like they weren�t important enough. For one person, it meant getting weekly pedicures. For another, it meant buying diamond earrings. For still another, it meant spending time alone every day meditating. If we think about what we would do for another person if we loved them, then that�s what we should be doing for ourselves. So, I love my boyfriend, and because of that I want to pamper him, to buy him things he loves, to support his dreams, to listen when he�s had a bad day, to give him space when he needs it, to encourage him to attain his goals, to help him attain his goals in any way that I can, to tell him things that he needs to hear even when he doesn�t want to, to be honest with him about what I�m feeling, to accept his emotions for what they are and not pass judgement, to spend time with him, to experience life with him.
Taking this a step further and thinking about loving myself, it means that to love myself, I will want to pamper myself, buy myself things I love/want, support my dreams, give myself some time and space to unwind when I�ve had a bad day, encourage myself to attain my goals, help myself to attain my goals in any way that I can, tell myself what I need to hear instead of always what I want to hear (i.e. be truthful with myself), be honest with myself about my feelings, accept my emotions for what they are with no judgement, spend time with myself and experience life.
I can�t say I�m 100 percent there yet, but I�m trying. I work on this. It�s one of the reasons I set goals. Because I�m happier when I am working toward something. Because I love myself and want to be happy.
So part 2 of this entry� how do you set a goal and make it happen? Well, what we had to do is take each of our goals (with a 4 month deadline) and break them down into tasks, then divide the tasks over 4 months. Then we further divided them by week, and finally by day. So each day, we would know what we had to accomplish that day to meet our goals. Now, we did on occasion fall a bit behind, but the point was, we were working towards something instead of just sitting back and waiting for things to happen. It�s really easy to say, �I have 4 months to get this done, I don�t need to get started yet�, but when it�s broken down by week/day/etc, it�s harder to put things off. And, the tasks become manageable, instead of these gargantuan elephants that you are trying to eat.
I have been given (and created without knowing it, but that�s an episode for another day) 7 work goals to complete by the end of the year. Some of them actually contain smaller goals that make up a larger unit. If I count all the smaller goals, I actually have 25 goals for the year. 25 goals and 8.5 months left. I needed a plan.
So today, I took each goal and broke it down into tasks. Then I identified how long it would take me to complete each task. Then I started with the completion date and worked my way backwards until I had �start by� and �complete by� dates for every task. After that, I created a weekly calendar with every task I needed to complete. So when I come into work each Monday, I know exactly what I need to accomplish to be successful and complete my goals on time. It makes me feel very powerful, very organized, very in control and very much in love with myself!
I think a lot about goals when I become frustrated with my life. Goals make me feel better. I accomplish something and I�m proud of myself. And I feel like �I CAN� instead of �I am a failure in life�. I set some goals for the year, personal and professional, and I�m going to work my tail off to try to accomplish as many as I can. Because I matter. Because I�m important. Because these are things that I want and I should have things that I want. Because I love myself.
