Overwhelmed by the moments
2004-02-15, 10:49 a.m.

I live in too many moments simultaneously. It wears me out and strips my soul. I�m forever living in the past, clinging to the good memories and mourning their loss, longing to change other moments, make them better, different or erase them entirely. I live in the present, trying to make decisions that affect my future. I constantly imagine future moments, anticipating both the sweetness and the pain of what might be. If I could just pick one moment to live in, one time in my life, and if I could make that chosen moment �Right Now�, what�s going on for me today. If I could let go of the past. If I could stop trying to anticipate the future. Maybe I wouldn�t feel so much pain. But I experience the pain on three levels. The pain that came before. The pain that hurts now. The pain that MIGHT be waiting for me tomorrow. It�s too much, it buries me. I can�t find the sun. I can�t find the fresh air. I can�t breathe. I want to turn inside out.

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