I think too much. Fido says I worry too much. It�s true too. I still think about mistakes I made when I was 8 years old. I�m still embarrassed about them too. No one else remembers. I do. I remember the shame and embarrassment. I should get over it. How this came up is that I was thinking about a camping trip I took 3 weeks ago. There was a moment when one of the kids was playing with the skewers for s�mores. I called over to her and told her they weren�t toys and she put it down, but then she picked up a knife. No one else noticed this. A kid playing with a knife can�t be a good thing. So I ran (and I mean ran) over to the table and took the knife and told her in a stern voice that it wasn�t a toy. Her mom didn�t seem too worried about it. And I�m still wondering if her mom is upset at me for disciplining her. Is that crazy? I should just get over it. It�s been three weeks. And I acted with the best of intentions. But I still think about it. This is how I am.
I�m a little worried right now. About a week ago, my hips were really hurting. I couldn�t even sleep they were hurting so bad. Then Thursday night, I had a low grade fever (what we used to call an FUO�fever of unknown origin�when I was a preschool teacher). Now today, I�ve noticed a bunch of tiny little blisters on my hands. Combine that with all the fatigue I�ve been having and it doesn�t add up to anything good. See I have Lupus. I haven�t had problems with it in years. But when I did, I used to experience all of these things. So it�s not good. The last major flare up I had, I missed 23 days of work in 3 months. I can�t go through that again. Not after having 2 surgeries this year and another surgery on the horizon. So for this, I am understandably a bit worried. I don�t have the energy for a flare up.
I haven�t been eating very good. I need to focus on protein and vegetables. I know I�m not giving my body the nutrition that it needs. I don�t want to go through all of this just to keep feeding my body crap. But lately, I just haven�t cared too much. I think I�m just stressed. I�m worried about things at work, how I�m going to get everything done by March 1st. I feel so overwhelmed that when I get to work, I don�t even know what to do. This coming week, I have about 15 meetings. No lie. Every day I have at least 3, somedays more. It�s crazy. How am I going to get anything done when I am in meetings all day?
I did buy a yoga tape on Ebay. I love Ebay. I have already started my Christmas shopping on there. I have bought the big gifts for my nephew and Fido�s presents too. I always spoil my nephew at Christmas and for his Birthday. But someday, when I have kids, he won�t be as spoiled. He�ll always have a special place in my life and heart though. I just love that little boy. So anyway, back to the yoga tape, as soon as that gets here, I�m going to start with that. I need to do something, it�s time to get physical.
Today, I�m going to the grocery store, I plan to only buy healthy food. Let�s see how I do. Friday night, I made chicken stir fry. It was so delish, and I still have some left over. I can feel great about eating that, it�s just chicken and vegetables. But yesterday I ordered pizza. Funny girl that I am, ordered a whole pizza so I could eat half a slice. Crazy. But I have leftovers of that too. I got this new pizza from Papa Johns (my favorite, not greasy at all), it�s called Hawaiian chicken barbecue and it is so delish. That will be my breakfast.
