Sometimes I wonder why I bother to eat at all� So often after eating, even something seemingly so innocent, like chicken salad, I feel nauseous. Then I just lie on my bed for about a half hour. It always passes, but when I�m in it, I just wish I hadn�t eaten. It�s still worth it though� even with the occasional nausea. I�ll take it. Supposedly, it gets better too. Also, I think I need to get better at figuring out when I�m really hungry and when I�m just a victim of appetite.
I was watching this new show on CBS, �Joan of Arcadia�. I think I might like it so far. John Ritter�s son is in the show. It�s so weird, he looks so much like his dad. It�s almost eerie. Death can be so cruel. About 8 years ago, a really good friend of mine died. It took me so long to get over it. I think it�s about not being in control. We don�t get to control when death will take us. We don�t get a warning when someone is about to die (well, sometimes we know, but not often). I just know that I have to live my life in a way that I have no regrets. I have to say what I mean to people, tell them I love them and why, what I appreciate about them. 2 years ago, I made a scrapbook for my mom for Christmas. She loved it. It was all about our happy childhood memories and what she has taught me about life and love. Last year, my mom developed breast cancer. She�s okay, she had a mastectomy and chemotherapy and so far so good. At the time, I remember thinking, I don�t want her to die, but if she does, at least she knows I love her, at least I have told her how I feel. I worry a lot these days.. I worry about Fido.. I worry that I�m going to lose him when I just barely found him. But there�s nothing I can do about it, I am not in control and I have to just accept things the way they are and live each day. It�s not easy and I�m not very good at it, but I�m trying.
