I just woke up from a nap. Naps are the greatest things in the world. They feel so extravagant. Yeah, I just have so much extra time that I can spend it doing nothing! That�s how it makes me feel. It makes me feel like I have time to kill. Like I don�t still have a suitcase to unpack from my camping trip. Like I don�t still have kitty litter in my car to bring in. But I can spend my time lounging on the bed with my eyes closed. It�s heaven. I just hope I can sleep tonight.
I didn�t go to work today. I was feeling a little crappy. I have another bladder infection and I�ve also been feeling very run down lately. So I went to the doctor this morning and she drew some blood. I am having my thyroid checked, my iron checked and also a blood count. We�ll see what all those tests turn up. Hopefully it�s something that I can easily correct. My thyroid would be the easiest, I just up my dosage, no problemo.
After leaving the doctor�s office, I called my old high school. I went to an all girls catholic high school in Glendora, CA called St. Lucy�s. I have been wanting to go back and give a talk on teenage depression. A first hand account of what it�s like to live with it, how to get help, not to be embarrassed, and how great life can be when you get it under control. I had symptoms of bi-polar when I was in high school, in fact, I had my first manic episode my senior year. I went three weeks with about 2-3 hours of sleep a night, lost about 30 pounds, felt great. Then I plummeted into depression and spent every afternoon crying. It was horrible. I knew something was terribly wrong, but I didn�t know how to get help. It wasn�t until I was 25 that I was diagnosed and finally treated. I think about those 10 years of my life, how much better they could have been. I can�t go back and redo it, but I can use my experience to help others. So, I spoke with the principal and she thought it would be a great idea. It�s actually the same principal that was there when I went to school there, a lot of the teachers are the same. I guess they have a Women�s health day and she thought it might be good to do it then, or else I could come in and talk to the psychology classes or something like that. She said I would need to speak with the school counselor to set things up, she took my information for the counselor to call me. We�ll see how that goes. I actually got the idea to do this about a year ago. I�ve been waiting because I wanted to lose a significant amount of weight before I did it. It�s like, I want to return in triumph, have my life totally in order. I weighed 240 when I graduated. I am just about 20 pound over that now. I didn�t want to do this while I still weighed 366� Since I�m feeling so good about how I look and how I feel, I decided it was a good time to get the ball rolling. It�s one of my personal goals.
I never mentioned how I got a speeding ticket in El Paso, Texas. Word to the wise, don�t speed in Texas, they have the most State Troopers out on the highway. I actually got my ticket from El Paso city PD. And it was totally bogus too. Now I�m always one to accept my tickets but this one pissed me off. I was targeted because I was from California. We had been driving along at 70 MPH. The speed limit was 70. I had the cruise control set because I know that you don�t mess with Texas. We came up on a construction zone, so the speed limit dropped to 40. I took off the cruise control and slowed down. I was going about the same speed as the other traffic, and other cars, even semis, were passing me. The cop pulled me over and gave me a ticket for doing 70 in a 40 MPH construction zone, so the fine was double. I was so hot but I wasn�t going to argue with the cop. He was a jerk, very rude to me and I knew he could make it worse if I tried to argue. So I just let it go. But there�s no way in hell I was doing 70. 50 maybe, but not 70. And CARS WERE PASSING ME! But I was the one who got pulled over. So it�s due on Friday and I never received a statement. I called today, it�s going to be 436!! UGH! Oh well, gotta pay the ticket, I don�t want a warrant in Texas.
So the other day, I went to my favorite fat-girl store, Lane Bryant. (By the way, the word fat, doesn�t bother me. No more than the word Tall bothers my dresser. It�s what I am and pretending that I�m not doesn�t make it so, hiding from that word doesn�t make it so. Read here for more of my thoughts on the matter. ) Okay, back to the story. So I was at Lane Bryant, I had some coupons and I was buying some clothes. (I got a pair of pants, a shirt, a sweater, 2 bras and 2 belts, in case you were wondering.) Right now, I am wearing size 22 bottoms and mostly 18/20 tops. If I buy 18/20 tops, they fit a little tight right now, and I�ll be able to wear them for a while. I bought the pants in size 20 so they�ll fit later. When I took the stuff to the counter, I kept thinking �That salesgirl is probably wondering why I am buying this size when there is no way it will fit me.� So even though I can put on all of these clothes, the pants are tight but they get on and even zip, I still think I look too huge to wear this size. It�s like, I know this size fits me, I see myself in this size, but other people still see me as a size 26/28. How weird is that? I wonder when it will all make sense. Like I think I am still a 26/28, but from some quirk of fate or magic, I can put on a size 18/20 or 22 and it will fit. Like my clothes are all enchanted and will expand to fit whatever size person is wearing them. These are my crazy thoughts today.
