I wish I was a patient person, but I'm just not. I barely slept last night. I still don't know if Fido's coming home or not, he hasn't told me yet. He read my e-mail telling him to come, but didn't reply to say yes or no. I called him but his phone's turned off, left a message, no answer. I am bummed because I missed him on line last night by about 4 minutes. I logged off at 10. He read my e-mail at 10:04. I hate that.
I wish I didn't care--come home don't come home, doesn't matter-- but I do. I care a lot. I wish I didn't, life would be easier. I wish I could say, F*** It, I'd rather be alone than go through this sh**. But that's just not me. I do care.
And on top of all that, I'm so paranoid. Fido has never done anything to make me question his loyalty, he has never done anything to hurt me. But I've been through so much with men, and hurt so many times, that it's hard for me to trust. But he deserves my trust unless he does something to lose it. Since he hasn't done anything, then the best I can offer him is my trust. It's just so hard. I'm constantly at war with myself.
The kitty woke me up at 3:30 AM because she thinks she needs to sleep on my face. Then I didn't fall back to sleep until after 6 AM and woke up at 8. I'm gonna need a nap later. In a few minutes, I'm going to get in the shower and shave my legs (just in case!), and then run over to my parents to water their plants and finish my laundry. Hopefully, I'll hear from Fido before I get back. I have such anxiety about this in the pit of my stomach. If it hasn't been 7 weeks since I've seen him, it would be easier. Or if he wouldn't tell me he was coming, and just show up. That would be even easier. Ugh. I hate this.
