Lately, I�ve just been feeling like a little china figurine that fell off the shelf and busted in to a bunch of pieces. Someone found as many pieces as possible and glued it back together, but there were still little chips and bits that were missing. Once you are broken, you can get put back together again but it�s just never the same.
Brian and I were in a big fight. I don�t want to get into all the details but it was mostly about how he perceived incorrectly my intentions regarding some things. He thought I was creating emotions to manipulate him when really I was just dealing with some issues that needed to deal with. He wouldn�t talk to me for 10 days. 10 long days. Except somehow at 11 PM when he wanted a booty call, it was okay to talk to me then. But since I was half asleep, that didn�t really work out. So when he called last night for another booty call, I said, well, can we talk too? Since he said yes, I let him come over. We had a good conversation. I felt that he heard me and understood where I was coming from. It was like a few of those chips and bits were put back into place.
But with relationships, it just makes me wonder� stay with one guy, move on to another, what to do what to do. I mean, no one is perfect and you really just trade one set of problems/issues for another. At least I know his issues and flaws and I know how to read between the lines with him. But then sometimes I wonder if it�s worth the work. What I do know, even on a bad day, I seem to be happier with him in my life than without him. So whatever, I have to stop trying to plan a future I have no control over and just let life come.
Tomorrow, I�m taking my friend Jana out for her birthday (which was a month ago, but she�s been trapped in Ohio). We�re either going to do the girl day (pedicures, lunch and a movie), do the Hollywood thing (the stars/walk of fame, the handprints in the cement, the hollywood sign, that sort of thing) or go down to Balboa and wander around Newport Beach/Balboa island and take a harbor cruise. I told her it�s her pick. She�s going to let me know in the morning so we�ll see what we end up doing. I�m grateful to have such a good friend. Really, I don�t know how I�d get through life without her at this point. I love me some Carrie , some Heidi , some Lauren , and some Michele, but most of ya�ll are in other states/time zones so we can�t really hang out. Except for Heidi and we did have a fabulous lunch together the other week, yay for that.
The weekend should be fun, I�m looking forward to it. I�m also thinking about taking up kayaking. They now allow kayaks on the lake and you can get these inflatable ones for about $150. There�s a place down in Newport Beach where you can rent them, so I think I�ll try that a few times and see what I think. I need to find hobbies that involve leaving the house. I spend way too much time in my 10 by 10 foot cell. I�ve put myself in jail and it�s time for freedom. Maybe I�ll find some of those chips and bits out there on the water.
