Anyone out there familiar with Sex and the City? I know, stupid question. So Samantha goes to Richard�s house (you know, her first real love on the show) and they are by the pool dancing and that Sade song is playing? That is such a tender moment. Even though Richard ended up screwing around on her, it just seemed to be such a moment of love, of someone offering his heart to a woman who had closed her up. And then, like a flower, you see her open up to him and let him in.
So, I ended up downloading the song the other night, and I�ve listened to it a gazillion times. Why is it when we are sad, we gravitate to songs that just make us sadder? Does it help by allowing us to cry and grieve? Is it part of the cathartic process of letting go?
I feel bad. Because the night I broke up with Brian, one of his friends died. But I did it anyway. I don�t think it was about being selfish, but we had started the conversation and I wanted to finish it. I couldn�t bear things being ambiguous again. Because that always results in us ending up back together and things don�t improve and I die inside a little more. But I hate that I did that to him, because truly, this is a man I loved and still love. I had always thought, that no matter what, I�d be there for him. Maybe I felt a little like a knight in shining armor in a way, loving him and trying to protect him when he was at his worst. And now I have to step out of that role and it�s hard to just turn off the love. My love faucet has a drip. It dripsdripsdrips all night long. I can�t make the noise stop.
�When you�re lost and you�re alone and you can�t get back again, I will find you darling and I will bring you home� You think I�d leave your side, baby, you know me better than that.�
I have always been proud of the love I�ve shown him. But it wasn�t enough, and it couldn�t make him whole again, it couldn�t erase any of the pain he�s been through or silence the bad memories that haunt him. Because how can you help anyone find the way back again when you don�t know the way yourself?
