Had a sudden, semi-unexpected trip to Phoenix so I am posting this from there� Basically, they needed someone to come to Phoenix to teach a class and no one else really wanted to go. I �kind of� wanted to go if no one else did and figured that since I was abandoning my department in a week for my new job, I should go on this last trip for them. So 2 days later, I was on a plane headed to Phoenix.
No offense to any Phoenicians who may be reading this, but Phoenix doesn�t seem quite as interesting and exciting as San Antonio did� although part of that could be because I was only here for one night. It�s not that I don�t like the town, it�s just that I don�t get excited about it. I could see myself moving to San Antonio, but not really to Phoenix. Though at this point, moving anywhere but Southern California is probably not going to happen, as I want to play things out with my new job.
I�m also not ready to abandon things with Brian just yet, and that requires me to stay in Southern California. It�s a long story there, but we�ve been talking about �us� a lot more lately. He�s got some specific things in his life to deal with right now and I can understand where he�s coming from. But I still think he needs to make more of an effort if he wants me in his life. And that�s a talk we still need to have. We had an interesting conversation the other night and basically, he said that we were going to be together when he gets his shit together. He said that no matter what I did in the meantime, when it�s time, he�s going to steal me away from any other guy who might claim me at the time. It was all sort of cute in a way. He explained what is holding him back right now, said he understands if I feel like I need to date other men and that he won�t ask me to wait for him, said that no matter what he�s my friend. It�s funny because we were sitting in a restaurant arguing basically, but the whole time, we�re playing around, laughing and joking too� I know it�s hard for people to understand our relationship because there�s so much of it that I don�t talk about on here. I just know that we love each other. We can�t seem to stay together but we can�t seem to stay apart. And when people see us together, they get it. My mom was asking me what we were doing and I was trying to explain it and she said, �well, it�s obvious seeing you together that you guys love and care for each other so much�. Even Danny, one of his biggest critics, has changed his tune since he met him.
But, I haven�t stopped dating other men yet either. I went out with Jim again and though I really enjoy his company, I just don�t feel any physical chemistry. That actually seems to be the hardest part about dating right now. I enjoy talking to the guys, but when it comes to kissing, I�m just not that interested in it. And I LOVE to kiss. But I guess it just goes to show, my heart is somewhere else.
I�m supposed to have a date with a new guy tonight. His name is Darrin and he seems really nice. We�ve had a couple of good conversations on the phone. He is very ready for marriage and a family but not in an overbearing I-Will-Marry-The-First-Girl-Who-Says-Yes kind of way. He wants marriage but he wants to pick the right person and he is not trying to just rush into it. It�s just a guy who knows what he wants and he�s doing the things he needs to do to get there.
I heard from the Anti-Brian again. God, I don�t know what to do with that guy. He just has no respect for boundaries. He�s trying to get in my good graces again and he just has no clue about how to do that. So he thinks that it�s a good idea to randomly call me at 11 PM to say hi. Okay, if you are calling a person who is not answering your e-mails and you are trying to get back into their life, would you choose 11 PM on a Friday night to make that call?!? I just need to be straight out with him. Sorry dude, you have turned me WAY off and leave me alone now.
All for now, as I really do need to get some work done here in Phoenix. I�m looking forward to flying home though. I miss my car! LOL.
