Nathan (The Anti-Brian) is just about history. We�ve talked right from the beginning about taking things slow, building the friendship first and seeing where things go. So this is what he says. But what he does is a whole other story. I feel smothered by him, I feel pressure to talk to him. He calls me almost every day and expects a long conversation. I don�t know about you, but sometimes I just don�t have the energy for a long conversation.
He called Friday night. I was out with Brian (yes, I know! Long story). He left a message. Saturday, in the morning, I was just relaxing, didn�t feel like talking on the phone to anyone, then in the afternoon, a friend of mine took me to dinner and to a movie for my birthday. Sunday, I went to Disneyland. So I was busy this weekend. Those times when I wasn�t out with other people, I was just enjoying the peace and quiet. You know how when you spend a lot of time talking, you just enjoy not having to talk? So that�s how it was. But he kept calling. Once on Friday night. 3 times on Saturday and again Sunday morning at 8:15 AM. Okay, NO ONE calls me before 9 on a weekend. Even if you think I�m up and around. You just don�t.
So if we were really just taking things slow, building the friendship and seeing where things go, I don�t think he would have had to call me 5 times in a weekend. With my friends call me and leave a message, unless it�s urgent, there�s an understanding that we�ll call each other back when we get a chance. Sometimes a few days pass before a return call comes. Happens all the time and there's no stress or pressure about it. We recognize that we each have busy lives but we are still a part of each other's lives and it's nothing personal not to get a call back right away. When it's important or urgent, we either mention that on the message or we keep calling until the other person calls. But I know there was nothing urgent with Nathan, he just wanted to talk.
I felt invaded. I was just having a weekend with my friends and his phone calls felt like intrusions. That can�t be a good sign. So my first instinct was to just blow him off, but he and I had talked about being honest with each other, giving the other person a chance to acknowledge when things weren�t going right and to make corrections. So I sent him an e-mail yesterday just explaining how I was feeling. I haven�t heard back from him yet. And I�m not stressed about it.
Oh, and another thing about him, he had mentioned a few dates with another girl where things had gone sour over money. They had gone to a free concert together and because it was free, he didn't really carry very much money in his wallet. He didn't realize there was parking charges so he only had a few dollars in his wallet and the girl had to cough up a few. Then on their second date, they met for coffee and they were in line, her in front, him behind her and I guess she didn't realize what was going on and so she bought her own coffee but he was going to pay for it. Well, she ended up dumping him over this. Okay, I don't think money is a big deal, I mean, in the early stages (especially if you are working on the friendship) then the guy doesn't necessarily have to pay for everything. But I guess I kind of found it strange that you would go out with a girl (even to a free concert) and not have cash in your wallet (I mean, what if you wanted to buy a soda or something?). And he made such a big deal out of it. So when we went to lunch, when the bill arrived, he kind of ignored it. So after a few minutes I asked, do you have that or are we going dutch? And he said, �I don't mind getting it if you can get the next one.� And I was like "okay, no problem". When I go out with friends, we are always switching off and it's not a big deal, no one is keeping score. But then he said, I like things to be even, so that I won't feel like I owe him anything physically. I don't know, it just kind of seemed weird.
Oh! And when we finished lunch, we had gone driving around to talk, when we got back to my car he said "is that your car?" pointing at my car and I said "yes" and he said "no, I mean, is it in your name?" I can't think of any logical reason to ask that question. That seemed so weird to me.
I�m not totally writing him off. It all kind of depends on how he responds to the e-mail I sent him, but as of right now, I�m getting a lot of weird vibes about him (plus, he doesn�t live close and because of his son, there�s no way he�d move � not that I need to think that far in the future but still). So, I�m at the point where I really don�t care if I hear from him again (in fact, it�d be easier if I didn�t).
In other news, I'm going out with Jim on Thursday. I am giving him another chance. We're going to go to dinner and then watch CSI. I realized that since I just want to date and not get settled down, I don�t have to eliminate him just because there isn�t a huge spark. I can go out with him and have a good time and just take it for that.
This whole dating thing has really made me realize how much I enjoy my time to myself. I guess I can say I am enjoying being single. I enjoy making plans with my friends and not worrying about anyone else. I enjoy being able to just be alone with myself watching DVDs. I enjoy the peace and solitude of �Just Janet�.
So, what�s the story with Brian? Well, we�ve gone out about 3 times since the fateful night at his office. I don�t expect anything from him, I guess he�s just another guy I�m dating. And suddenly, I have all the power. He is asking me what we are to each other, what are we doing, etc. And I just told him �I don�t know what we�re doing Brian, I�m just taking each day as it comes.�
The first time he was at my house after the break up, I had a big bag for him with all of his stuff in it. He couldn�t take it all because he was on his motorcycle so he fit what he could in his pack and said, �I�ll just get the rest of it next time.� And I thought, but didn�t say, how many next times do you think we�re going to have? I didn�t really need to say it, just giving him a bag with all of his stuff in it says a lot. So he had left some swimming trunks at my house and a few other things. When he was going through the bag of stuff, he pulled out the trunks and said, with a funny look on his face, �They�re kind of flowery�. Which I took to mean, I don�t really like them. So Friday night, he was getting ready to leave. We had had a very intense and intimate night and I did truly feel very close to him at the moment. He was getting dressed and I pointed at the trunks and said �Do you want those or should I just get rid of them?� And he said �Why do you have to be so mean to me?� So I answered �You don�t even like them, I�m not being mean. Whether they are here or somewhere else, if you aren�t going to wear them then I�d rather just get rid of them.� And he answered back �I was kind of hoping I could just keep them here.�
Ahhhhhhhhh� men! So what he wanted to say was �I want to leave them here so I can come back and see you, I don�t want this to be over.� But he just couldn�t bring himself to say it. And I realized that there�s a lot of things he could say, things that I can see hovering just beneath the surface of the fa�ade he�s erected, that if he said, would make a huge difference. But he�s too afraid to say them. And at first, that made me mad.
But then I realized, before I broke up with him, there were things I wanted him to do, things that if he�d done, would have saved the relationship. And I just expected him to know it. I expected him to read my mind. So I�m mad at him that he won�t just say things, when I never did.
Not sure what I�m going to do with that information, but there it is.
Disneyland. I went to Disneyland on Sunday. I�ll post pictures and tell stories later (this is already 2.5 pages in Word) but I do have one thing to say � BANANA FLAVORED COTTON CANDY!
And one final note. I was e-mailing someone the other day (sorry Heidi, I'd link you but I'm feeling lazy right now) and we were talking about having the handwriting of a serial killer (which I totally do!) and I almost wrote cereal. Ha --- Stay away from me, I kill Cheerios!
