Sometimes you know what�s right. You know it even as you�re doing it. But you still don�t want to believe it�s true. There�s still that little part of you that wants to live in denial. But the little part of you can�t win this battle, the opponent is too strong, the truth is too real. And the little part of you has to surrender. Even when you know it�s right, the aftermath, living in it, dealing with the decision, keeping yourself from picking up the phone, saying �no, I didn�t mean it, I can live with mediocre�, it�s all hard. It tears your guts out.
I want to go back in time. But I really don�t. I just want to go forward. Straight to the place where this doesn�t hurt. I want to jump to that place in time where I can say, letting go was the best thing that I ever did, look at where I am now, it was worth it.
In 1996, I was fired from my job. I cried like a starving infant in a poopy diaper. I felt so devastated, so demoralized, so lost. I didn�t know what to do, I had no idea how to recover. Turned out, it was one of the best things that ever happened to me. It made me rethink my life, my career and put me in the direction of a job I really love, a job that pays 3 times what I was making, a job with a future. But at the time, I couldn�t see any of that. I only saw what I was losing. All the things I would gain were still in the future, intangible, I couldn�t appreciate them yet.
It�s 5:23. I am allowed to cry for 37 more minutes. Then I need to put on my running shoes and get out and run. When I finish that, I can cry some more if I need to, and I will. Because it hurts to lose someone you love, no matter what the circumstances.
