I had a nice, quiet and enjoyable New Year�s eve. I had not a touch of sadness on that particular evening. I went over to my friend Jana�s house. She lives in Long Beach right on the coast. You can see the Queen Mary from her balcony. It was just her and her husband and myself. We had snacks. We played Trivial Pursuit 90�s edition and we watched Eddie Izzard on DVD. It was enjoyable and relaxing. And, I won at Trivial Pursuit! The next morning, we got up late and then went to breakfast. After that, I went home and watched TV and vegged.
Brian and I fought pretty much all last week and all weekend. Even though my anger with him is totally justifiable, I see how I�m becoming such a total bitch that even �I� wouldn�t want to spend time with me. I hate what I�m becoming. So last night I told him that we need a two week break. He reluctantly agreed to a one week break. I don�t know why he was so reluctant, he doesn�t seem to want to spend time with me or put any effort into the relationship anyway so I don�t see what difference a break would make for him� but whatever. So for one week, no contact, no phone calls, no e-mails, no seeing him. Nothing. So far, I am not sad or depressed over it. I�m just still angry with him. I�m sure eventually, I�ll get sad about the whole thing. If we end up breaking up, I kind of feel like I have wasted a year and a half of my life with him for nothing. And all the energy I�ve put into it will be down the drain. But it would free me up to move forward. I know it�s not going to be the easiest week of my life but I think it will be good. At the end of the week, I�ll find out what he�s thinking. If he�s missed me and wants to try to work a little at making this work, then we�ll try again. If he was just relieved not to have to deal with me, then that will say quite a bit too. And I�ll be one more week closer to getting over him. And at the end of the week, I might decide I�m done with him regardless of what he�s feeling. Only time will tell for sure.
In other news, I�m contemplating some big changes in my life. Right now, it�s just speculating and imagining but who knows. I think I�m ready for some major life�altering changes. I have been checking out some jobs in the Bay Area and also in Dallas. (Yes Carrie DALLAS!) I�m not saying I�m going to move to either of these places, but I�m starting to feel like I need some total overhaul, some kind of fresh start. I have a number of good friends in both of these places so they seem like good places to start over. At least I�d already know people. Benefits of the Bay Area � I�d still only be a day�s drive from my family, I have a place to stay for a couple of months until I get settled, I�ve lived there before. Benefits of Dallas � cost of living is lower than California and I might actually be able to buy a home there, it would be a totally new thing as I�ve never lived in another state. So anyway, just some things for me to consider.
