1996 was probably one of the worst years of my life. It probably started out fairly in a fairly benign manner. The truth is, I don�t remember much of the year. I don�t remember days, I don�t remember months. I simply remember several defining moments.
I do know that I had been fighting a depression for most of the year. What happened between January and June is pretty much of a blur. I know that I wasn�t happy. But in June, that�s when the moments begin.
It was probably the middle of June when I went in to work one Friday. About 11 AM, my boss called me into her office. She fired me. I couldn�t believe it. I had never been fired before. I had been a preschool teacher for 6 years, worked at that center for 5 years. I had always been the kind of employee who got along well with the boss, didn�t cause much trouble.
With this particular boss, she had a pattern of selecting an employee and making them her favorite. After a while, that employee would fall from her good graces for no obvious reason. She would then move on to the next favorite employee. The former favorite would either be fired, or quit on their own. It had happened 3 or 4 times since I started working there. I had been her favorite employee for a while and then had fallen from her graces. I guess it was just my turn
Here�s why I was fired. I made a 15 minute error on my time card. According to her, the company had chosen to do a review of all time cards and they were firing anyone with an error. She said she didn�t want to but she had to. (I found out later that another employee at that center made a 5 hour mistake. She got promoted. Imagine that). When she wrote me up, she found every little thing I had ever done and put it on the form. She even wrote me up because I didn�t lock this one gate that she KNEW I didn�t have the key for. Insanity.
After I got fired, my self-esteem was very low. I was ashamed. I was in shock. I couldn�t believe it. And I had lost my identity.
Two weeks after I got fired, I got a phone call that a really good friend of mine had died. After I got off of the phone, I just dissolved. That was the single worst moment of my entire life to date. So far nothing else comes close.
I feel a little bit like that now, but so different. I mean, I�m upset. I�m hurt. I�m angry. I�m in shock. But I know I�ll go on. Just give me time.
I am almost ready to tell you all what happened. Soon. Very soon. But I�m just trying to get this written before leaving on vacation. My much needed vacation where I will spend time with good friends and cry on their couches. I might even get drunk. What I do know, is that I will survive.
