It�s time for me to update. It�s been over a week. I survived the floods with very little loss of property. The rain finally stopped on Friday and then the flood waters began to recede. There�s still a lot of clean up to be done, and it�s far from sunny here in my psyche. But things are improving. I�m going to have to do some kind of bulleted life recap to get up to speed with current events.
Weight:
I lost another 4 pounds during my monthly weigh-in. I now weigh 228. I have decided I want to lose another 48 pounds and get down to 180. It�s doable. But I need to make it happen. There are several other areas of my life that are changing and will assist in this. More on those later.
I�m still amazed every time I put on clothes and find they are looser than they used to be. It still feels like magic. And I was buying some clothes the other day for work, for the first time, I looked in the mirror and saw the smaller Janet. I was looking at myself from behind and I was very pleased with my new waist line. Then I looked down at my drippy, hideous legs. Oh No! I can�t imagine wearing shorts. They look like those old bottles when people use them to put candles in them and they candle wax drips down the sides. I have big drips of fat and skin. It�s the only way I know to describe them. If I could block out the image of those fat, drippy legs, I might even believe I look incredibly sexy. I still think this when I look at my cute waist! Just don�t look down.
I really don�t know how to shop in regular department stores. I got a gift certificate from work as an award for some extra work I did a year ago. I went to both Macy�s and Robinson�s May and I seriously did not know what to do. First of all, I still wear women�s sizes (size 16 or 18 depending on the manufacturer), and I had trouble locating the women�s sections. Then, I found that most of the stuff in the women�s section was fairly frumpy, which I won�t do� The few cute things I did find were outrageously expensive. I had always thought that Lane Bryant was overpriced. But after looking at department store stuff, I no longer think this. So I ended up at Lane Bryant where I bought a dress skirt for work and a plain white shirt to go with it. It�s very cute and I�m going to wear it tomorrow. I�m already wearing the smallest size shirt from Lane Bryant. When I get a little smaller on top, I�ll have to start buying my shirts elsewhere and I really don�t know where I�m going to shop. As for bottoms, I�m generally a size 16 and Lane Bryant only goes down to a size 14, so I only have a few more sizes to go before I can�t buy pants there anymore. That will be such a weird, exciting, but sad day in a way. Ever since Lane Bryant came on the scene, I�ve worn their clothes. It�s strange that I�ll kind of miss it�.
Boyfriend:
I got to see the SpaceCowboy for 2.5 hours the other day. I count that time as exercise because we, well, you know�. !!! Oh, we also talked and hugged and cuddled. He thinks I might see him again soon, for a few hours, but there�s no guarantee. After that, he�ll be back out fighting and I probably won�t see him for a few months. I don�t normally talk at length about my sex-life on here, but I do have to say this�after losing 138 pounds, sex is so much more amazing. First of all, I�m more flexible so there are more positions I can get into. Second, I get rubbed in a different way so it just feels better. And I have more energy and stamina. All in all, improved sex-life is soooo worth the weight loss. I�d have the surgery again just to have the sensation�
Home-life:
Things kind of exploded at home and I�m no longer feeling safe or comfortable in my apartment. I have found a temporary home for my cat. I was forced to lock her in my room 24 hours a day because of a situation with my roommates and that was just no life for her. She is now living with my aunt for a few months. She is well-loved and cared for there, and above all, SAFE. My aunt loves cats and also has 3 boys who love cats. After Quincy gets over the trauma of displacement and comes out from under the bed for more than a few minutes at a time, she will get lots of attention and love. I don�t want to get into the whole story right now, but basically the male roommate decided to prove that he has gonads and play The Man Of The House and assert his dominance. I have not been very comfortable with my living situation since the whole Trailer Park incident. I don�t really know what happened in that car that night between those two people. I will never really know. All I know is that she was drunk off of her ass, and she had bruises the next day. All I know is that J tends to talk in a very verbally abusive and threatening way and that they both speak rudely to each other and don�t seem to know much about resolving problems or conflict resolution. When J starts speaking in a threatening way to me and my cat and when he begins yelling at me, I just don�t feel safe anymore. In fact, the other night I had a dream that they were both chasing me through the (imaginary and very large) house. I don�t need that stress.
So after farming out my cat, I decided why not farm out myself too. My parents, upon hearing my concerns, have invited me to come live with them for about 6 months. I can�t afford to move into my own place right now, because I have a lease and will need to continue to pay rent until the end of May. This will give me time to finish out my lease, get caught up on bills and get some money into savings before I venture out into my own apartment. It will be a good thing. My parents live on a gorgeous man-made lake with a backyard that opens on to the lake and a private deck. I can use the community pool, fitness centers, jacuzzis or check out a boat and go boating. Also, one thing about my current apartment is that parking sucks. You can literally go out and come back and have no where to park. It makes it so I don�t want to go out at night. Living with my parents, this won�t be an issue and I think I�ll be more active. I mean, I literally don�t go out because I worry about parking!!! It�s one of the reasons I don�t go to the gym. I know, it�s stupid, but it�s true! Plus, living with my parents, I�ll eat better because they eat better. I�ll probably eat dinner most days, which I don�t now. I�ll feel comfortable leaving my room again. It will be better all around. And very temporary.
So, that�s my life in a nutshell. For now anyway. I�ll update more later. Need to get back to work.
