Here�s what I accomplished so far today: I attended a yoga class, did a load of laundry and cleaned my parents floor. (I was there using their washer and I don�t think I have ever seen their floor that dirty, so I figured I owe them, why not clean their floor. I guess my nephew was at their house for two days and had quite a bit of fun!) Now I am just getting home and I have big plans for the rest of the day. I need to make a bridal shower card and wrap a gift, clean my bathroom, clean my room, and switch the non-functioning living room TV with the TV I am borrowing from my parents. After that, it�s relaxation time for me. I�m just going to sit around the house watching DVD�s tonight. And taking care of me. I deserve it.
I just found out my 19 year old cousin got engaged. I�m happy for her, but trying really hard not to be a bitter old maid. It�s hard. I get so bitter sometimes and wonder how in the world I ended up with this life. Then I get over it and remind myself that right now I�m supposed to be focusing on me and the things that I can control. I try to think ahead to 6 months from now and what I can accomplish if I just keep myself moving in the right direction. About 4 years ago, I went on this week long personal growth seminar up in Northern California. Part of the week was spent in classroom exercises and part of it was spent outdoors doing low and high ropes. On the low ropes day, my �buddy� and I had done two of the low ropes and because of me, we didn�t complete them. On one, my foot slipped off the rope and on the other I just fell. The third course was an individual thing. We had to walk across a log that was about 5-6 feet off the ground. We were supposed to walk the length of it, turn around and walk back. It sounds easier than it was. First of all, the log was tied in between two trees and would wiggle back and forth as you walked. Second, you are 5-6 feet off the ground. Third, the space for your feet was not that big. Fourth, you had to have good balance. Well, after the first two courses, I felt like such a failure and was absolutely positive I was going to fall. I let everyone go before me. No one fell. I was certain I was going to be the first. And I didn�t want to be the only one who fell. I waited until everyone else had gone and then it was my turn. My heart was racing as I climbed onto the log and I don�t recall ever being so scared. It seems silly now, considering all the things in life that I�ve faced, but this log represented every failure to me. I climbed on the log and slowly started moving, staring at my feet the whole time. I kept losing my balance and I was just waiting to fall. I wanted to quit. Then I realized that I would do better if I wasn�t looking at the ground. I looked up at the tree that I was walking towards and at that point, I just started moving. I think I just surrendered and figured that if I was going to fall, I might as well get it over with. I began moving very quickly towards the tree and my spotters could barely keep up with me. I found that as I stopped looking at my feet and the ground, it was easier to keep my balance. I quickly reached the tree, turned around and began walking back. I was soon at the end and being helped off the log. My fear had turned to elation. My whole team was amazed at how quickly I walked on the log. So was I. What I learned is this: keep your eyes focused on the goal and not the obstacles. That�s my philosophical moment for the day. I try to keep it in mind daily. Today I just need a reminder.
