I did it again. I took a damn nap when I got home from work. I swore I wasn�t going to but I was so tired� Ugh. So now I�m still awake. Figuring out which songs I want to burn on a CD.
So I�m trying to get over all my stress at work. I decided that if I�m expected to do the impossible (they did add even more to my plate including the launch of a new software system which will conceivably take up at least 3 solid months of more than 40 hour weeks), in only 5 short months, then I�m just going to buck it up and do it and I better get some kind of significant reward in March. I got organized today and mapped out each goal and what I�ll need to do to accomplish it. It helped me feel better about everything. I even set up meetings with other staff members so I can share the burden. It felt good to delegate a bit.
I just found out one of my uncles is dying of bone cancer. He�s only expected to live another month. He�s the husband of one of my maternal grandmother�s sister. Can you follow that, I didn�t even mention the hairdresser�s cousin. He�s the last relative I have from my grandmother�s side and generation. To me, he represents more than just my uncle, he�s my last link to my grandmother. My parents are going to try to go back to Chicago to see him before it�s too late. I wish I could go but it�s just not in the plans right now. What can you do. I have some great memories though and I�ll just cherish those. I also plan to give him a call soon, I hear he is still lucid. I don�t want to regret later that I didn�t.
I have been eating a lot better, much more protein based foods, and not so much crap and carbs. I feel a little better about that too. My yoga tape should be here any day now. I do have a gym membership that I should be utilizing, it might even help with the stress and the panic attacks I have every morning when I wake up� I don�t know why it is so hard to get my ass to the gym�.
I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow and we�ll be discussing my goals. Even he realizes that with this new software system, I�ll have very little extra time to spend on other things. But in a way, I feel challenged and want to prove to myself I can do it all. I had such a horrible year last year, pre-surgery, because I let my personal problems affect my work. Then with two surgeries this year, I feel like I have something to prove. And my career has been stagnating these last few years as I needed all my energy to focus on medical and personal problems. I feel like that�s all lifted from me and I want everyone to remember what I�m capable of and forget the slacker they�ve come to know. So, I�m going to try to do it all. Even though the very thought of it makes me sick to my stomach. It�s not like my boyfriend�s home to distract me and keep me from a 12 hour workday and I have weekends free so I can take work home and go in on some Saturdays.. I am sure that I�ll regret this decision in the next few months. Ugh.
