Today I am wearing a sweater from Old Navy. This is the first time I have ever worn anything from Old Navy. This is the first time I have fit in anything from Old Navy. This is a big day for me! I also bought a bunch of t-shirts from Old Navy, since ALL of my t-shirts are huge�. I bought some pajamas at Target, so I am now set for pajamas. I am still wearing my same undies, but they are getting huge. I broke out the new ones, they fit really good, but I�m just not ready to get rid of the old ones, I have some really cute ones and also, I just don�t think 10 pairs are enough. I went to go buy some new ones the other day, but I just wasn�t feeling it, I didn�t see any that I wanted.
I went through my drawers the other day and I cleaned out all the t shirts, tank tops, turtlenecks. When I was done, my drawers were practically empty. My parents go to garage sales every weekend, so I asked them to keep an eye out for me. I like having t shirts to wear around the house, to wear to bed, or to work out in� (when I someday eventually get back in that habit, hopefully soon). It�s weird when you are used to having stuffed drawers and suddenly they are empty. But I don�t want to buy a lot of stuff that is for warm weather because who knows what size I�ll be wearing when it�s warm again.
I haven�t been eating very well. It�s not like I�m eating really horribly, but there�s just no edit feature in between my hand and my mouth. It�s like I�ve just given myself permission to eat whatever I want. I think it�s because I am feeling very stressed out lately and I just want one area of my life I don�t have to worry about. Also, because I�ve gotten to a place where I�m very happy with my weight loss, I think I�ve just slacked off and forgotten what�s important. I�ve stopped worrying about nutrition, I don�t think whether or not I�ve gotten enough protein in for the day. Like I said, it�s not as if I�m eating french fries every day or anything, but I know I�m not making the best choices for my body. And yet, I don�t feel like I want to change right now, I don�t want to have to have one more thing to think about and worry about every day. I feel a little like I am slipping in to a depression, not a deep one, just a little one. On the one hand, I�m very happy and content, but underneath that, there is a sadness too. I can�t really explain it. I am just trying to fight it and keep my outlook positive. There are a lot of things in my life to be grateful for, a lot of things that are going really well, a lot of reasons to be happy. But at the same time, there are things I wish were different. I do better when I focus on the positive so that�s what I�m trying to do. It�s hard, when I get home from work, I�m just so tired and yet at the same time I�m restless. I don�t know what to do with myself and nothing makes me happy. I think I just need to get involved in a project. I need to get back to my scrapbooking, start making my christmas cards.. do something to take my mind off the fact that I can�t spend time with my boyfriend. I am happiest when I am involved in something. I need to do something though, I don�t want to undo all the good things by eating crap. I keep thinking that if I get some yoga tapes or some tae bo or something I can do at home, that it will help� so, I just need to do it and stop talking about it. I know that when I work out regularly, I eat better too� I just don�t want to eat crap after a work out.
