Welcome Home Janet!
Um, well, where have you been?
Oh, I've been in the hospital.
For what?
Um, well, you see.... I was um, yeah. Like detoxing.
HUH?!?!?
Yeah, Brian came over unexpectedly and had a very frank conversation about the fact that he thought I was turning into a user/drug dependent person and he didn't like the me on meds and I needed some help. I was resistant at first but agreed that the drugs were making me numb and "squishy" and finally agreed to get some I/P help. I called my insurance and got an auth. I then took a muscle relaxer to lay down for a nap. Next thing I knew I was in the ER with my parents firmly and very unresolvedly telling me to admit myself. I finally did but was resentful about it.
What happened?
Well, at first I thought I just was going to check it out so that's why I was so resentful that people were like, "YOU ARE ADMITTING YOURSELF TONIGHT!" because in my head I thought I was going on Sunday. But then when my parents visited me, they explained that I accidentally OD'd and then all the anger disappeared and I was just grateful that people love me enough to save my life.
Wow Janet, that's just, well, crazy, but I could see how you were struggling and you just didn't seem like yourself.
Yes, it's true. I could see it too I just didn't want to because I felt like the meds were taking away pain and I HATE pain. But I am going to go to pain management and right now I'm learning to live with lower levels and not take anything and maybe some day, I'll rebuild my tolerance and definitely I am going to learn healthier ways of dealing/managing/treating the pain.
So what's next?
Well, I have to try a variety of things to find what works for me. Because this came from physical pain, it's important to treat the original cause as soon as possible instead of just focusing on the symptom (addiction/dependence of chemical substances) but also I do need to deal with that as well. For right now, I have to recognize that I am addicted to certain substances but as a bi-polar patient there are still some substances that must be a part of my life. Some of these substances, I am capable of managing on my own and some of them, well, I'm just not so I have help right now until I can get on different meds that I will be able to manage. My sincere apologies to anyone who had to deal with me in a fuzzy drug infested conditions. More from me later.
