No matter how hard you try, you can�t write the future. You can imagine how it might be, how you want it to be, you can dream, you can fantasize, you can worry and have fears, but in the end, you don�t always have control. I think we can set up on a path, and work towards a goal, but inevitably, there are so many external factors outside of our control that I wonder if it�s even worth it to try. They say when caught in a riptide, you should relax and surrender to the current. Only by doing this can you get out. You will eventually be taken to the edge of the current where you can safely swim to shore.
When I was 16, I was caught in a riptide. Basically, a riptide is defined as �a stretch of turbulent water in a river or the sea caused by one current flowing into or across another current�. When caught in one, you find that you are pulled under at every chance. As soon as you can pop your head back out of the water, a wave will come and you will be sucked back under. I remember when I was caught in one. Though I had been told to float and let the current take me out of it, I forgot. When confronted with a dangerous situation, it seemed that all rational thought left me. Survival mode kicked in and I just tried to fight. Fight or flight, right? Well, flight was fighting in this case. All you know is you want to get to shore and it seems so far away.
I fought and fought the tide. Each wave came and sucked me back under. I could barely get a breath. With each wave, I made inches of progress to shore, only to lose it all as the tide went back into the sea. I often found myself on the ocean floor, with other people fighting for breath above me, stepping on me as they tried to lift their own heads above the water. Though the shore was only 20 feet away, it might as well have been miles. It was unreachable to me. And though the water was only 6-7 feet deep, it may as well have been a hundred feet. The churning water offered me no rest.
After what seemed like days, but was probably only minutes, I finally made it to shore. I actually collapsed in 6 inches of water. I was so worn out from the struggle, from fighting nature. When I got up, I was sort of bent over, water was pouring out of my nose and my mouth. I staggered to my towel and collapsed, the memory of my struggle firmly planted in my mind.
So this is my question, is it worth it to fight, to struggle? In the end, does it get us anything? Or should we just relax and let the current carry us where we are supposed to go? Will we end up in the same place regardless of the fight? Would it be better to just surrender when the struggle is sucking the life out of us? Or should I say me. The struggle is sucking the life out of me and I�m not sure it�s accomplishing anything. I wonder if I just relaxed into the current, if I would end up in the same place, without the fatigue, not needing to collapse into the water. Or maybe I would end up somewhere even better. What if all my fighting is working against me? Or does the fight show me that I am strong, and give me confidence to face what lies ahead? These are questions I cannot answer.
