When I find myself in my worst places, and retreating to the bed is not an option, I�ve found the best thing I can do is look my best � put on an outfit that I know looks good, wear make up, cover every detail. Because if you have to be out there in the world, sometimes you just need every inner confidence you can muster up. There can�t be any voices in the back of your mind telling you that your pants don�t fit and you can�t spend your day adjusting your shirt. Everything has to be perfect, it�s like the thinnest layer of armor but it protects you.
A week or so ago, I said that someone had said the meanest thing ever to me. I didn�t think anyone could top it, but it has been topped. In the last month or so, I�ve basically lost two friends and now I�m losing one more. I still have some really great friends, it�s not like I�m friendless, but my tribe is getting smaller and this gives me less people to turn to when things get rough. Add to that the fact that my cell phone died (taking all of my phone numbers with it � damn my reliance on modern technology) a week ago and the replacement hasn�t arrived yet. I really do have to battle this alone. Though I have people I could call, I have no phone numbers for you right now.
But I got up this morning, after a suspended sentence worth of sleep, and put on one of my best outfits, did my hair, put on my make up, and now I�m ready to face the world. I will drive my 2 � hour drive to Agoura, do my audit, then make the 2 � hour drive home and collapse for a few hours. I�ll get through the day, because I know that I have to�. Just like I�ll get through this life, because I know that I have to. I just wanted something better, something better than �have to� for Christmas this year.
