To anyone who thinks that gastric bypass surgery is the easy way out, I�d just like to say, there is nothing easy about vomiting spaghettios out of your nose because you accidentally took one bite too many. Yes, that was fun. You know how the research says that your stomach doesn�t register that it�s full until about 30 minutes after it�s actually full, well it�s true. And sometimes, this is also after you took one or two bites too many. The hard part is that some days I can eat a cup of food and some days I can only eat a few bites. So I never know what kind of day it is until it�s coming out my nose. And by it, I mean spaghettios, sometimes burritos, steak, yeah, it�s all fun.
There�s this other thing that happens sometimes, wher eyou get really light headed and think that you are possibly about to die. It�s some kind of thing that happens, they call it dumping, and it�s a complicated digestive explanation that no one really cares about so I won�t dull you with it here. But sometimes, you can eat candy, and sometimes, wheat thins and cheese send you to bed with your heart racing, the sky turning zebra striped and your stomach in knots. And, like the capacity of your stomach, totally unpredictable and likely to hit at really convenient times, like in the middle of meetings or on an airplane or something.
Now some people would say, Janet, stop eating candy, and that would be a fine solution, if the wheat thins and cottage cheese didn�t also cause problems on unexpected occasions.
So anyways, as my nasal passages recover from the �passage� of spaghettios through their mucous openings, I wax on. Recently, I was out to lunch with a friend when, following a meal of salad, I was suddenly struck with abdominal cramps which required my quick departure to the restroom. The last time I had been to lunch with my friend, I also required a quick departure to the restroom so that a hamburger could come out of my nose (hamburgers not to be outdone by spaghettios). When I returned from the restroom, she asked me, Was it worth it? And I, returning from the bathroom was also thinking about answering the same question (that she had not yet asked but I was guessing she was thinking). The truth is, yes, it was worth it. And as I will deal forever with the physical repercussions, the good still outweighs the bad.
Tomorrow, I�m getting on a plane to Denver. Before the surgery, I could not sit on an airplane seat. During this trip, I will walk around the city and country and have a great time. Before the surgery, I could barely walk to the bathroom. I will wear cute clothes and look hot. Before the surgery, I had outgrown even most �fat� girl stores. I could wax on forever about the health benefits � blood pressure in the normal range, cholesterol down from 230 to 137, blood sugar in the normal range, knees and joints that can actually carry my body weight � and I have already waxed on forever about the social/emotional benefits in anniversary updates (I�m lazy and don�t want to link, but anniversary updates will appear in the archives somewhere around February 10th if you care) so despite occasional uncomfortable and sometimes embarrassing moments, yes it was worth it. But was it worth reading that run-on sentence? Inquiring minds want to know.
I am mostly packed and ready to go. There�s supposed to be snow on Sunday and Monday and this makes me giddy like a 6 year old candy junkie on halloween. Snow � fun to visit but I wouldn�t want to live with it.
I have been in a surprisingly good mood today. And lately, that has been an accomplishment of phenomenal proportion. I am sure that it helps that I got laid last night and also got taken out for Coldstone but I�ve learned not to analyze the joyful moments (surprising considering how much I analyze the dark and dreary moments) and to just enjoy them while they last.
So anyway, when I return from Denver, I will have exciting tales to tell and pictures. And I�ll finally write that entry telling you why Danny is the greatest friend ever. Well, I have many classifications of greatest friend. There�s my greatest friend ever, Heidi, who I talk to nearly every day and reveal deep dark secrets with but rarely see. Danny is the friend who also knows all my deep dark secrets but, prior to his move to Denver, I saw rather regularly. Jana is the greatest friend ever who goes out with me to do girlie things. They are all important and equally great, in different ways.
Now, I have talked (rambled) on about a few things I did not originally plan on, but I am done for real this time. Really. Ain�t nothing like the real thing.
Pictures say more than words anyway:
