In case you were wondering, a bumber sticker saying �I�m not spoiled, just well taken care off� does not belong on a Hyundai Accent.
And what�s with the immaturity of today�s adults? I got flipped off today by a guy who cut ME off. I can�t stand when people flip me off. I really genuinely truly try not to do that. I can�t remember the last time I flipped someone off. It doesn�t bring me any satisfaction and just leaves me feeling like a fool for letting my emotions get the best of me. I am not saying I don�t yell and wave my hands around, but to me, flipping people off is just such a childish thing to do. My other rant on immaturity has to do with adults who can�t put their trash in the trash can. Most places you go these days have trash cans outside the entrances. So why do so many people feel the need to leave their trash in the parking lot? It�s beyond me.
Now onto a different subject all together.
In 1993, for three weeks, I was a smoker. It was a crazy and horrible time in my life and smoking helped ease the tension. But after a few weeks, I woke up one morning and felt like crap. I realized that I had had 3 recent surgeries to improve my respiratory health (2 sinus surgeries and a tonsillectomy) and here I was willingly doing something that would fuck it all up again. After I woke up that morning, I threw my nearly full pack of cigarettes in the trash and never looked back.
Well, almost never. I did have an occasional cigarette while getting drunk off of my ass. If I had a drink AND a cigarette, I would get the most incredible buzz.
So last night, after 12 years, I really wanted a cigarette. For some reason, I got it in my head that if I could sit on the patio on a balmy evening and smoke a cigarette, all my problems, all my sadness, all my pain would go away. It was either that or get high. I had watched Sex and the City earlier in the evening and the girls had smoked some weed. The idea of smoking marijuana sounded so good. I remember that content feeling I used to get when high... (Disclaimer: I�m no druggie. I haven�t smoked pot in over 5 years and that was one time and prior to that, it had been since my sophomore year in college. Now college, I did my share of experimentation. But doing drugs about 10 times in 2 years, does not an addict make) When you are high, you can just sit on the couch and be content with your brain. Nothing bothers you. You are entertained by the meandering thoughts in your head. I know there is a downside to drugs and I�m certainly not trying to recommend that everyone go out and get high to solve their problems, but when you are having an evening filled with self-doubt and self-loathing, the idea of getting high sounds really f*cking good.
I didn�t get high last night. I have no drugs in my house and no real clue how to buy drugs. And truthfully, no real desire to do drugs. What I really wanted was an escape. But there is no such thing. But still, I woke up this morning wanting a cigarette.
And I still do.
